Fish Tales And Other Lies

JingJangJohnnyJohnsonBoy is telling his tales elsewhere!

2003-09-25T14:16:00.000-04:00

You can find me in my new home here. Stop over and check it out. Don't forget to update your links!

Yeah....that's the spot.

2003-09-19T09:01:00.000-04:00

There's a place that is special to me. I was there a little over two years ago. It was September 11, 2001, but the date has nothing to do with why the place is special to me. I think of this spot almost every day, but especially this time of year. Why is it so great? I'm a fisherman and an outdoorsman. If people like me have a heaven on earth, this place is it! There is old growth forest, mountains, wildlife of all varieties, and salmon. My first morning there, I strolled to the riverbank with coffee in hand. We had arrived the night before after dark, so I had no idea what to expect. It looked like something out of National Geographic! The river was thick with Salmon, fresh from the ocean and beginning their journey upstream. I'd love to say that I caught one of these monstrous fish, but I can't. We were not equipped for this type of fishing. Perhaps that is one reason this place haunts me. My mind races with the thoughts of next time. Yeah, next time I'll be ready! Do you have a spot like this? Tell me about it.

Brave or crazy?

2003-09-18T13:37:00.000-04:00

OK. Enough is enough! People are out of control with this storm stuff. I'm in the western suburbs of Phila. The Storm is blasting away down on the coast of the Carolinas, but the forecast for this area is calling for wind gusts up to 40 MPH and between 2-5 inches of rain. Now call me crazy, but that aint shit! Everyone is talking about missing work tomorrow, and buying water. Come on people. We are not on the Outer Banks! It's nice to be prepared and all, but this thing is going to be over in 24 hours. Some basements will get wet, and some trees will fall on cars. Whoop-de-freaking-do! If you are frightened by this storm, you’ve been watching too much of the news.

Dogs for sale - two for the price of one!

2003-09-17T09:16:00.000-04:00

I love dogs; just ask anyone. Today, I don't see the appeal so much. Why is this so JingJangJohnnyJohnsonBoy, you ask? Well, here is how my day began. The clock radio went off to Love Will Keep Us Together by the Captain & Tennille. OK, so not a great start, but the dogs can't be blamed for this atrocity. True, but it does say a lot about my state of mind as the next events unfold. I walk, with my lovable hounds happily jumping at my heels, towards the back door to let them out. As I hit the living room, a scene of unspeakable destruction unfolds before my sleepy eyes. The kitchen trash was hit hard, and scattered everywhere! Ruby Mae, oblivious to my rising blood pressure, pranced over the mess on her way to the exit. Obi, began to sense the danger, but he was not quick enough to dodge a swat from the nearest periodical. As I chased him out the door, I saw that Ruby was now alerted to her pending doom. This, of course means that she got scared and pissed on the floor. We think she was mistreated by her previous owner. So I get both dogs outside, and clean up the trash. I headed for the basement to get more paper towels, and notice a pile of fresh crap on the floor. By the time everything is cleaned up, I am seriously late for work, and Ruby will not come in the house for fear she will be beaten. I head out into the dim light of the early day to persuade her that all is well, and that she will live to see another day. Finally, the dogs are in and repenting and I head off to work, late and frazzled. About half way in, my senses awoke enough to smell crap. How could this be? I washed my hands thoroughly! Damn! I must have stepped on a land mine in my back yard. Sure enough, my left shoe was hit. Not only that, but it touched my pant leg as I got in the car. Now I can add the fact that I stink to the list - late, frazzled, pissed and smelly.

Damn kids!

2003-09-16T10:37:00.000-04:00

I just read Buddha's last post, and it reminded me of a story from my youth. We were about 15 or 16, and there was a party at this girl’s house. Her trusting parents were away. I'm not sure how many people were invited, but the word spread and the house was soon rockin'. The beer supply ran dry. One of my friends had just gotten a driver's license, and I knew a place that would sell me beer (I was tall for my age). So off we went to get as many six packs as we could, without raising suspicion. We did pretty well that night - 6 six-packs. We were anxious to get back to the party, and enter as heroes. We, after all, saved the day. (Now keep in mind that the party was in typical suburbia, and every house looks the same.) So we park the car and the three musketeers exit and make a dash for the party. As we walk in the front door, things seem a little more subdued than when we left. Hey what's that kid doing hear in pajamas? Why are they watching the Wonderful World of Disney?

Oh Crap!!!

We were in the house next door. Out we ran, across the front yard and into the party. Before the night was over, some girl passed out, and I threw up near the front door. Yeah, that was some night.

What the -bleep-

2003-09-16T10:12:00.000-04:00

I'm I the only one that can't see me #$@&ing comments!?!?!? What is up with this? My count goes up, but there's nothing there.

Well hello Dolly....

2003-09-16T08:26:00.000-04:00

I'm not a big country music fan, but I don't think it's all bad either. I do appreciate a good song, no matter who wrote or performed it. Having said that, I'll get to the point. I heard a track from a new Dolly Parton tribute album . Now stay with me here. I know she's a little over the top with the hair, the twang, and the....you know......the twin peaks. None of that makes her a bad singer or song writer though. Like her or not, it would be tough to argue her talent. There are some great voices on the album. I honestly don't know most of the songs (see line one of this post), but the one I heard this morning was very nice. Nora Jones sang The Grass Is Blue. I'm not ready to wear my Stetson, while doing the two-step down at the dew-drop-inn or anything. This could be an interesting album to hear more of. That's all I'm saying.

What is going on with these pop-up adds

2003-09-15T15:08:00.000-04:00

They’re out of control! How am I supposed to surf at work, when every site I hit opens four more windows. Is it just me, or has it gotten much worse lately. You expect it, when you go to certain sites (gambling, porn, etc......not that I do), but Damn! Enough already - I'm not going to buy what you're selling, so get out of my face.

Are you ready for some football?!

2003-09-15T08:54:00.000-04:00

I am. I haven't been able to sit through a whole game yet. I can accept that my team will not win every game. I do, however, expect them to show signs of life; a glimmer of hope. I'm not getting that from the Philadelphia Eagles. They are a bad football team, with no entertaining qualities. Our coach has no clue how to turn this team around, so as a public service I will throw my own ideas out there.

The Eagles should become a two quarterback team. You could have McNabb to one side of the center and Detmer at the other side. In the huddle, they play rock/paper/scissors to determine where the snap goes. Since McNabb can't pass, he should earn his money running with the ball. If Detmer gets the ball, maybe he can complete a pass.

If nothing else, other teams will be confused and have trouble defending this style of play. I know it wouldn't be boring. What do you think?

Yup, that's me.

2003-09-12T14:58:00.000-04:00

I got this Name Analysis from Cornelia. I have to give her credit because you should check her out, and because Melissa told me so.

Any way, here's what my name says about me:

The name of John has made you serious-minded, responsible, and stable. You love the security of a home and family, you are fond of children, and, as a parent you would be fair and understanding. Although you have good business judgment, you are not aggressive in your dealings because you do not like to create issues. You would be successful in any position dealing with the public as you have a diplomatic and tactful manner and possess a charming, easy-going nature which puts people at ease. People are drawn to you because they feel that you are patient, kind, understanding, and responsive. You would be effective in a career or in volunteer work where you are handling people and serving in a humanitarian way. While you are honest and responsible, one weakness that is paramount in your life is your lack of self-confidence and initiative, which causes you to put things off and avoid facing issues.

Those zany Turks.

2003-09-12T14:38:00.000-04:00

With friends like this, who needs enemas.....I mean enemies.

The loss of a giant

2003-09-12T09:27:00.000-04:00

I heard the news today, that Johnny Cash was dead. I can't say that I was ever a big fan, but I always knew that he was a giant in the country music scene. He'll be missed.

Whole lotta shakin' goin' on.

2003-09-12T08:13:00.000-04:00

Well, my dog Obi has started to have seizures. He predecessor Grady had seizures too. It's scary stuff. They can't control their muscles and their eyes get crazy. Obi's passed within a few minutes, but it seemed longer. I'm sure it felt like an hour to him, the poor guy. I guess we'll have to put him on Phenobarbital too. That's what Grady took for his. I want to wait for a while to see if he has any more "spells". I hate to give him pills if he doesn’t need them. A lifetime of chemicals is no good for him. That's two dogs in a row. If little Ruby Mae starts to have them, I'm going to wonder if there is something in the house or the water that is causing them. I think I'll just drink beer for a while, just in case.

Did you miss me?

2003-09-11T07:37:00.000-04:00

Due to many circumstances, I was off the air yesterday. Fear not. Everything is OK. I thought I'd start the day with a few updates.

Harvey, the free range chicken is MIA. The smell of fresh biscuits is in the air.

I'm cellular. Give me a call sometime, but not on my land line. It's about to be disconnected.

I have new wheels. I got an '04 Subaru Forester. I love it!

Mean people SUCK! Nobody backs Baby into a corner.

Ruby Mae is in deep trouble.

Mail call!

2003-09-09T09:03:00.000-04:00

I check my corporate mail slot every few days or so. I'm not sure why. I never get anything sent to me. Email has pretty much eliminated corporate snail mail. My heart soared today, as I discovered I finally had mail. How cool is this, I thought. It looks like a post card. Maybe it's from a friend in some exotic place, far away. Alas, it was an invitation to a sales summit and it was addressed to some guy named DingDangDonnyDonaldsonMan. I hate that!

Don't you just love that new car smell?

2003-09-09T08:36:00.000-04:00

Well, it's not official yet, but it looks like JingJangJohnnyJohnsonBoy will be driving a new Subaru Forester. We checked one out last night, and the price was right. It's a leftover 2003 and we got a deal, but for someone that hasn't even shopped for a new car in over two decades, there was some sticker shock. It's tough to think about a car payment for the next five years, but that's life I guess. I didn't sleep too well last night. I think part of it was excitement, but most of it was nervousness. I'm sure we'll be fine, once we get used to the payments, and it will be great to have a nice car. All right, maybe I'm more excited than nervous.

Can I get a witness

2003-09-09T07:57:00.000-04:00

Well my baby, she's clean out of sight, don't you know that
she's

She's some kind 'a wonderful!

Never is a long time

2003-09-08T14:36:00.000-04:00

I'm about to do two things that I said I would never do. First of all, I'm about to join the ranks of people who are trading in their land lines for a cell phone. This one goes against everything I stand for, except for one thing. It will save me money in the long run. Secondly, I'm about to go shopping for a new car. Yes NEW. My current car (1990 Pontiac station wagon with wood trim), has 125,000 miles on it. It has no heat, and the temp light comes on everyday. Normally, I would look for another (very) used car and pay cash for it. I hate making car payments. Cars are not a status symbol for me. They are just a tool to get me from here to there. I don't give a rat's ass what people think about me, if they are basing their opinion on what I drive. I guess it's just time. I've been driving clunkers for about 10 years. Before I gave my previous car (another station wagon) away, I used a staple gun to "repair" the head liner. We are looking at the Subaru Forester or the Hyundai Santa Fe. Does anybody have an opinion on either car?

Heckle & Jeckle are out of control

2003-09-08T11:26:00.000-04:00

Do you remember the cartoon magpies Heckle & Jeckle? Well if you do, you are old. There's nothing funny about this magpie

It's really just a big raisin, isn't it?

2003-09-08T07:56:00.000-04:00

Do you know what has gotten a bad reputation? The prune has some how become synonymous with constipation, and it's just not right. Granted, prunes have "the power to move ya", but why is that the only thing that people focus on. They are also very sweet and tasty. Prunes are rich in magnesium, sodium, phosphorous and potassium. Nobody makes fun of the raisin. I know, they are completely different fruit. My point is they look and taste similar, and both have the ability to regulate and motivate. Why are people so hard on the prune? Loosen up! (Hey, that's funny. Get it? Loosen up...)

One of those days

2003-09-05T11:30:00.000-04:00

Did you ever have one of those days? No, not the 'everything I touch turns to shit' days. I'm talking about one of those days where your senses are so alive it's electric. Every song you hear sooths and warms you like a hot bath. The scene out your window seems like a postcard, even though it's same view you have every day. What a shame it is to be at work today. I should be painting or fishing or something. Can I take a half day off, due to a natural high?

Are you an organ donor?

2003-09-05T09:59:00.000-04:00

John Prine - Please don't bury me.

Woke up this morning
Put on my slippers
Walked in the kitchen and died
And oh what a feeling!
When my soul
Went thru the ceiling
And on up into heaven I did ride
When I got there they did say
John, it happened this way
You slipped upon the floor
And hit your head
And all the angels say
Just before you passed away
These were the very last words
That you said:

Chorus:
Please don't bury me
Down in that cold cold ground
No, I'd druther have "em" cut me up
And pass me all around
Throw my brain in a hurricane
And the blind can have my eyes
And the deaf can take both of my ears
If they don't mind the size
Give my stomach to Milwaukee
If they run out of beer
Put my socks in a cedar box
Just get "em" out of here
Venus de Milo can have my arms
Look out! I've got your nose
Sell my heart to the junkman
And give my love to Rose

Repeat Chorus

Give my feet to the footloose
Careless, fancy free
Give my knees to the needy
Don't pull that stuff on me
Hand me down my walking cane
It's a sin to tell a lie
Send my mouth way down south
And kiss my ass goodbye

Repeat Chorus

Plum smuggler

2003-09-05T07:56:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you, but I'm a firm believer that no man should ever wear a thong or a Speedo. I don't think they are indecent, just WRONG. What are people thinking when they put these things on. If they are thinking about making a "run for the border", they better think again! That's what this guy thought, and it cost him.

How about them apples?

2003-09-04T15:38:00.000-04:00

I'm not that sad to see summer go this year. In fact, I'm always glad to see the fall season arrive. What I don't like to see is the end of the summer fruit season. I love fresh fruit! The choices in the summer are endless (cherries, berries, melons, peaches, plums, etc). Then fall rolls around. At first it's not too bad. The apples are so fresh and crisp, and there's like 10,000 varieties of apples these days. There are always bananas and oranges too, but by December I'll be dying for the taste of summer.

Problems in the bedroom

2003-09-04T07:52:00.000-04:00

That's right. I can't find a pillow that works for me. I never used to have this problem. I could walk into any store and pick up any pillow and it was fine. Now every pillow I buy is crap within a week. It develops a major head crater in the middle that will not go away. I end up bunching it up in the middle of the night, then waking up with a stiff neck. Eventually, I decided that two crap pillows might equal one decent one. That's not exactly correct. Now it's too fat and the stiff neck is back. I'm I just buying cheap pillows, or do I have a freakishly heavy head. It's not like I'm Fred Flintstone, and my head is equal to half of my body mass.

Dump and run

2003-09-03T15:41:00.000-04:00

I'm about to ditch my mechanic. Every time he does something, it's not right. In some cases he gets it right the next time, but not always. So the question is, do I tell him that I'm dumping him and why, or do I just pay for this last repair and move on in silence. The answer is, I will quietly pay and move on. This confrontation will not accomplish anything, so why bother.

Harvey, the big white...........chicken?

2003-09-03T10:21:00.000-04:00

Am I the only one who can see this chicken every day? I pass a gravel pull-off on my way to and from work every day. For the last two weeks, there has been a chicken hanging around almost every day. There are no farms or processing plants around, so this is highly unusual. It's strange enough to have a free range chicken in my town, but it's even stranger that nobody has stuffed and eaten him. He is lingering near the part of town that I refer to as "the land that time forgot" or "Little Appalachia". It's just a matter of time before some local shots him with a bow and arrow and has a BBQ. In a few months the chicken’s head will be mounted on a wall next to a semi-nude woman in a Budweiser poster.

Presto - Changeo

2003-09-03T07:41:00.000-04:00

I'm due for an oil change. Now normally that would mean some type of hassle - car pooling, waiting, walking or some other inconvenience. That is not the case for me. We have a service that will came and pick up your car at work. They leave a car in your parking space to reserve it. Once they are done, they bring your car back and it's right where you parked it in the morning. It cost just about the same as any other garage. Now that's magical!

Yo-Da-la-he-WHOOO

2003-09-02T09:16:00.000-04:00

Do you know what there is just too little of? Yup, you guessed it - Rock-n-roll yodelers. Do you remember Hocus Pocus by Focus?

Expiration Date

2003-09-02T07:52:00.000-04:00

I stopped to get milk this weekend. As always, I checked to make sure that I was buying the freshest milk available by checking the expiration date. Every carton was marked Sept 11. I didn't want to buy it. I would have gotten one marked Sept 10, if I could. I just wanted to skip Sept 11, as if somehow that would make me feel better. I know it won't. It's not that I want to forget this day. I think it's important to always remember. It's strange what things can trigger you emotions about the events of the horrible day. It seems like a long time ago until the day approaches. I can feel it coming on like a powerful storm in the distance. My emotions are starting to bubble up like a stew of sadness, shock, anger and hate. I hesitate to use the word hate. It's such a strong and ugly word. It's also the cause of all this trouble.

So much to do.

2003-08-31T09:36:00.000-04:00

Today is so nice, and I have no chores to do. There's still is not enough time to do what I want to do. It's cool enough to sit at the tying bench (tying flys) this morning. It's been months since I could say that. I'm also nearing the end of a good book (Hocus Pocus - Kurt Vounegut) that I'd love to finish, while sitting in the shade. The dogs could use a bath (especially Ruby Mea). Friends are coming over for beers and maybe a swim (if it warms up). It's just a perfect day to do almost anything - inside or out. Now that's a tough problem to have. I hope your day is full of fun and friends too.

That's the stuff!

2003-08-30T15:24:00.000-04:00

Vodka, tonic, lime. Need I say more?

Now this is a holiday!

2003-08-29T12:59:00.000-04:00

Labor Day is my kind of holiday. There are no gifts to buy, or extravagant meals to prepare for the hordes of relatives gathered at your table. There are no costumes to make, or eggs to die. It's all about taking a day off (and not just any day). It's always on a Monday. How cool is that?! You always get a three day weekend. Not even Christmas can match that every year. So here's what you do. Stock up on the beverage of your choice. Get plenty because people might stop by. Don't forget to pick up snacks and any kind of meat that grills nicely. Since rain is a definite possibility, it's a good idea to rent a video or two now, before all the good ones are taken. Better yet, grab a good book. That’s a good way to relax, regardless of the weather. Now you're all set. Relax and enjoy, people. You've worked hard all year and now is your time to chill.

I think she's having issues with men.

2003-08-29T08:06:00.000-04:00

The next time I say I'm looking forward to going to the dentist, please have me sedated and put into a home.

I knew I was in trouble from the start. They took me in right away - no wait. I got the usual questions. "Are you having any problems with your teeth?" "Your health has been good?" "any prescription medicines?"

Then it got weird. "So, are you having any fun?" I told her that I was able to mix a fair share of fun into my daily grind. she said. "I guess I need a new man; a rich husband" "let's get started, shall we"

Well, for the next 45 minutes she cleaned my teeth. She gave each one individual attention, starting somewhere around a half an inch below the gum line. At one point she asked if I was a little sensitive. Of course my mouth was full of fingers, hoses, and blood so I could not really reply. I think I made a sound like a puppy would make, the first it's left home alone. My ass cheeks were taking turns contracting, in an effort to scootch myself down the chair.

How bad has my day been?

2003-08-28T14:58:00.000-04:00

I'm looking forward to going to the dentist, just so I can stop working on this project!

How about them Phillies?

2003-08-28T08:35:00.000-04:00

On August 17th, the Phils were locked in a tight wildcard race. They would have numerous opportunities to take command, since they play every day until Halloween (or is it Christmas). So how are they doing? They have lost 8 of 10 games since then. Here’s the kicker - they are still tied for a wildcard spot. This is just one example of why baseball is tough to get excited about.

Enough about baseball. Football season is so close you can feel it. That means that Hockey can't be far behind. Let's go Flyers. (clap - clap - clap.clap.clap!)

It's a miracle!

2003-08-27T13:42:00.000-04:00

My comments have been up all day!

So how does your brain work?

2003-08-27T13:18:00.000-04:00

Do you find that your brain follows any predictable patterns? I've come to the conclusion that my mind performs certain tasks better at certain times. For example, early morning is my most creative time and is best for problem solving. I can't handle detail until mid morning, so math and spelling are weak prior to that time (spelling always weak). I can listen to and absorb problems better in the afternoon. Prior to that, I'm just pretending to listen. If you want me to make an educated decision, catch me late in the day. By late evening, I'm back into creative mode again.

Walk a mile in my moccasins.

2003-08-27T07:40:00.000-04:00

Well, all of the dream posts yesterday must have had an effect on me. This post came from the mental state where your not sure if your dreaming or if you are awake in the middle of the night and trying to fall back to sleep.

I imagined a new blog world where each site had a link to Xtreme bogging. With a click of the mouse, you could be in someone’s world. I'm not talking about physically; seeing through their eyes at the present time. I mean you could know what they know and feel what they feel. Their memories would be yours. You could write their 100 things for them. A few minutes would seem like a lifetime. At any point, you could choose to get out. The only thing you would feel, afterwards, would be a general impression of what it was like to walk in that bloggers shoes.

So what do you think? Would something like this appeal to you? Would you use this power for good or for evil? What current blogger would you get Xtreme with and Why?

Breathe, breathe in the air

2003-08-26T07:38:00.000-04:00

I have a dentist appointment on Thursday. Like the majority of the population, I'm not a big fan of the dentist. In this case, I'll be spending some quality time with the dental hygienist. It's time for my 6 month cleaning. What could be better then spending 30 minutes with your mouth wide open, while someone picks and scratches at your teeth. Oh, and lets not forget the tiny sandblaster thingy. The worst part, for me anyway, is that I forget to breathe. I don't know why; I just do. Does anybody else stop breathing while the dentist is elbow deep in their mouth?

European carrying case

2003-08-25T09:39:00.000-04:00

Like Buzz, we too are thinking of dumping our telephone land line and going with cell phones. I've always said that I will never own a cell phone. I hate them. It's not really that I hate cell phones; I've just grown tired of their use (everywhere/all the time). Then it hit to me. My having a cell phone will have absolutely no impact on the volume of cell phone use. I rarely call anyone outside of work and nobody ever calls me (I know that sounds pathetic, but I'm OK with this). So, once I got used to the fact that having a cell phone would not be a big deal; it occurred to me that now I could tell the phone company to pound sand. How cool is that!? The only down side is this:
Now I have one more object to carry around with me. About two years ago, I stopped carrying a wallet. It was bulky and uncomfortable. When I did carry one, it was in my back pocket. It was literally a pain in the ass. Now I just carry whatever cash I will need for the day. But what if there is some type of emergency. I don't have my credit card, my ATM card, my driver's license, etc. If I 'm going to be truly prepared, I need some type of "man purse", or holster. Maybe I'll make a pouch from a bandanna and tie it to the end of a stick that I can sling over my shoulder. I see a lot of people at work that look like they are wearing a utility belt, like Batman (Pow....Zonk!). How do you guys deal with all the crap we need to carry around? Is there a way to do this without looking like a hobo, a super hero, or a super model?

Don't you just love silicone?

2003-08-23T11:08:00.000-04:00

Aaahhh Silicone. No, not breasts silly. I have nothing against breasts. In fact, I love them! I don't care much for the man made variety much. I'm partial to the natural look. They don't have to be large......

Hey wait a minute! This post is not about breasts. I'm talking about caulk. Yes, silicone caulk. That stuff is amazing! I just recaulked my tub (oh joy of joys). It's not easy to work with, especially if you are a dork like me. It's worth the trouble though. Sure, the acrylic latex stuff is easier to work with and clean up, but I think the silicone is the way to go in the bathroom.

What a let down this post turned out to be. Maybe i should have stuck with the breast theme (*makes mental note for future*).

5,300 pound trophy

2003-08-22T14:29:00.000-04:00

This story is certainly getting a lot of attention. To me it boils down to this. Everyone is allowed to worship who or what they want. You are not allowed to have a 5,300 pound trophy for one religion (or religion in general) in a government building. Having this monument, no matter how big it is, doesn't make your beliefs any more correct. Removing this monument should not make your beliefs any less powerful. It's a symbol. It has no control over your thoughts and beliefs. Get over it, and abide by the law.

Where do you find the time?

2003-08-22T11:26:00.000-04:00

OK. I've been at this for three whole days, and I gotta tell you. I'M EXUASTED!. Where do you people find the time and energy to do this everyday? Coming up with something interesting or humorous to post is hard enough (impossible, in my case), but you don't stop there - oh no. You also find time to make the rounds and comment on every other blog site out there (and there's dozens of them, maybe even more). And what are you posting/commenting about - all of the stuff you're doing...reading books, raising money, caring for critters, working. Nobody warned me. There should be some type of training camp for blogger wanna be's like me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a nap.

Love is in the air

2003-08-22T07:37:00.000-04:00

It's a big day for Buzz and Empress. Yup, those crazy kids have been married for 12 years now. They still act like newlyweds. Stop over and say congrats, but please, check for the Do Not Disturb sign first.

I'm waiting

2003-08-21T09:54:00.000-04:00

I'm looking for a comment. Not just any comment. Well, actually, it can be any comment. It's who comments that matters. There's a special someone out there (she knows who she is), that hasn't laid one on me yet (blog wise that is). Come on baby. Show me the love!

So it goes

2003-08-21T07:45:00.000-04:00

This post has nothing to do with the post over at Buddha's place. Congrats, though, on his 2000th comment! Way to go. No I use this title because I went to a viewing last night, for a woman who was a family friend. So it goes. Thanks to Buzz, I have a hard time thinking of death without this phrase (so it goes) popping into my head. You all know how important reading is to Buzz. Well, he brought in Slaughter House Five by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. It was a great read, by the way. If you haven't read it yet, you should.

Where was I going with this..............Oh yeah.

The viewing. So it goes.

It almost always amazes me how composed the family of the deceased is at these things. Oh sure, there are always exceptions; but for the most part people are amazingly calm. I have never lost a member of my immediate family, so I don't know exactly how it feels, but I have lost people I love. I'm telling now that if I have to stand in a recieving line for a member of my family, I'm going to need a sedative the size of Texas. Maybe they could just put me out all together, and lay me next to the dearly departed with a sign - "I'm not dead, I just don't handle these things well. Thanks for coming."

JingJangJohnnyJohnsonBoy likes his Yuengling

2003-08-20T15:11:00.000-04:00

If you're not from Eastern Pennsylvania (or the Mid Atlantic area), you probably think this means something dirty. It does not. In fact, it's really something beautiful. It's the story of a man and his beer. Ahhh, yes. Nectar of the gods - Yuengling. Say it with me - Pronunciation: ying - ling. It's kind of fun to say, isn't. It's America's oldest brewery (since 1829). It comes in several styles. Try them all.

Proceed with caution.

2003-08-20T11:12:00.000-04:00

I was driving home from work yesterday when a strange thought entered my mind (imagine that) - I am due for an act of incredible stupidity. I'm not talking about something that will cause mild embarrassment. I do that everyday. I am due to cause serious injury and permanent damage to myself through an act of incredible carelessness. Why. I'm not sure. I guess I've been lucky so far, and the odds are about to catch up with me. Well, that was my thought going home last night. I had forgotten about this, until a few minutes ago when I heard a thud next to me. Some poor bird mistook the plate glass window for an open passageway. Careless bird. If it wasn't dead, it would be SO embarrassed right now.

Soundtrack of your youth

2003-08-20T09:11:00.000-04:00

I read a great post by Michele this morning. You can read a great post there any day you visit. Anyway, in this morning's post, she mentions the soundtrack of her youth. That got me thinking about what my soundtrack would be like.

Jackson Browne
Neil Young
Aerosmith
Pink Floyd
The Who
Jethro Tull
Led Zeppelin
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Jimi Hendrix
The Temptations
Traffic

I'd like to buy the world a coke....well sorta

2003-08-20T07:38:00.000-04:00

Actually, I just wish I had enough money to buy the world a coke. Let's see. The world’s population is about 6,359,913,970. I'm going to assume that the coca-cola corporation would give me a discount for buying in volume - let's say 25 cents a bottle. That means I would have roughly $1.6 billion dollars. By not actually spending this money to buy the world a coke, I would save a fortune in logistics. There would be no costs for storage, refrigeration (who wants a warm coke), or distribution. Think of the party we could have! (BYOB of course.)

It's your day! What day is it.

2003-08-19T15:59:00.000-04:00

If you could pick one day out of the year to be your holiday, what day would it be and why? You can't pick your birthday, or anniversary, or any day that is already a holiday. I would pick the 2nd Friday of May. Why - a three day weekend in the best part of the year!

Revenge of the plants

2003-08-19T13:42:00.000-04:00

It's been a fairly mild summer in my neck of the woods. Oh sure, we've had some warm days, but no long stretches of unbearable heat and no rain. Normally, by now, everyone's yard looks sickly and brown. Not this year! Every plant is healthy and green. Gardens are spilling out of their boundaries. Vines are battling for higher ground by climbing the highest, healthiest plants they can cling to. It's a jungle out there! It's like a Twilight Zone episode. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to cut my grass.

What's the rule with socks?

2003-08-19T11:04:00.000-04:00

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have no fashion sense. I can't help it, and I honestly don't care. It's not a priority for me. I do have one burning question though. What is the rule with socks? Should they match your pants, or your shirt? I've done some visual studies on other men at work, but it really didn't help much. There seems to be no logic. I try, as best I can, to match my socks to my pants. My theory is that they are closest to my pants, so that's what they should match. I struggle, however, because I often dress in the dark. I prefer solid socks since patterns complicate things even further. I also struggle when I wear very light colored pants. Light colored socks with anything other than sneakers look very dorkish to me. I love the summer because I can always go sockless, with the right shoes. Now you also know that I have no fashion sense.

I went to see a concert.

2003-08-19T08:34:00.000-04:00

Why is it that we say we are going to see a musical group? Isn't it mostly about the music, and isn't music mostly an audio thing. I know that there is a visual component also - the light show, the thrill of seeing your musical idols in person, etc. None of that is lost on me. I just think that the music is the most important thing. Without that, it's not a concert.

I make this point because we just went to see the Counting Crows and John Mayer at the Tweeter Center in Camden, NJ. Our seats weren't great, but we could see OK. I've been to some concerts where the performers look like ants, they are so far away. At least you know that going in. You can check you ticket against some seating chart and find out if you are in the same time zone as the stage. If you don't like where your seats are, don't buy the ticket. The problem with this show was much worse than a crappy view, and there was no way to see it coming. The tickets were paid for, the $15 parking fee was paid, the $7.50 beer was purchased and the show began. The sound SUCKED!. It sounded like there was a concert going on in the apartment above you. There's nothing you can do but stew. There's nobody to complain to. That's where you poor souls come in. Thanks for listening.

Comment Update

2003-08-19T07:23:00.000-04:00

Thanks to those who made some suggestion regarding my comment problems, over at Buzz's place. Haloscan has temporarily disabled signups. I did a google search for squawkbox and all I found was complaints. It looks like I'll have to tough it out at enetation for now.

Comment troubles!

2003-08-18T17:20:00.000-04:00

I apologize to the masses that are trying desperately to be among the first to comment on the latest blog craze site. I may need to find another host for my comments.

It can only get better

2003-08-18T15:06:00.000-04:00

OK. Here's how my day started. My alarm, in the morning, is the radio going off. I can't stand it when the first thing I hear is irritating, so we opted for this option over the EEEGH...EEEGH..EEEGH of the alarm. The radio is set to go off at 5:45 AM. So, at exactly 5:45 AM this morning the radio came on. The station's call letters were given and Rainy Days on Monday by the Carpenters blared in my ear. Yeah, it's gonna be a golden day!

That's two great starts in a row for me. Yesterday, I broke the first thing I touched - the handle on the toilet. Nothing says good morning like the Carpenters and plumbing problems.

2003-08-18T11:57:00.000-04:00

When In Rome.......
OK ladies, here's the deal. I have no problem with you using the stalls in the men's room. I understand that when ya gotta go, ya gotta go. I don't think it's fair that your line is always twice as long as the line for the Men's room. So, as a public service, let me inform you that there are rules. Some of them, such as the number of shakes permitted, do not apply. Here are some hints that will make your trip to the men's room less uncomfortable for everyone involved.

1) Don't bitch - it was your choice to enter.
2) Keep the chatter to a minimum. Comments about the weather, the wait in line, or the game/concert are OK. Comments about who is handsome and who is not should be avoided. Sound carries in there.
3) Your eyes should be focused straight ahead, or down. We give you the courtesy of a stall. Do not take advantage of the fact that we are out in the open.
4) If the seat is not a in a position of your liking, get over it, adjust it (see #1).
5) Don't be an amateur. Follow the rules above, wash, and get out. There's nothing worse then a giggly novice blabbing about their experience for everyone else to endure. You're not as cute as you think you are!